Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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