I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
