is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It was confusing and full of hummus
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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