I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We are all done wearing pants today
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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