Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
