Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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