Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
