ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
