16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
