there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
