If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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