I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
