Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
