i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You made out with two different species that night
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
