My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
