watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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