i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize