I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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