did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize