Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
