You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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