This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
