Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
