I cannot find my penis.
I wish i was in the wii world.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
