I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
