I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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