Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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