Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
