i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
