Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
