I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize
