i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize