listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
