Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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