I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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