Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
