They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
