True but thats because hes a fetus.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
