Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
