i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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