Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
