remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
