I met the friendliest cop last night
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
