trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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