I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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