I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Your cock deserves a montage
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
