i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
