He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
