Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
