Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
