Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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