just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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