Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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