So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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