You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
