dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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