mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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