Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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