This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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