He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
