I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
