I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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