My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
