My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
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my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
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I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.