So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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