I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.