He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.