ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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