if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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