My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
