If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
