I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
