But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
