Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
