dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
In America we eat man semen.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
